sabinaboo

Ok, even though i havn’t been keeping track of my intake on paper or anything like that i have been watching what i eat very carefully with small 4 meals a day with very healthy choices. My work outs have been light, but i’m just slowly getting back into the routine…my brother wants to buy alli…have any of you guys used it? i have done much research and so far i’m very curious, i might give my bro half the money so i can share the bottle with him and see how it works…as vain as it sounds i really want to be in a bikini by spring break, and that is 2 months i’m hoping to loose 10 lbs

ok first of all i’m SO sorry for leaving you guys, not to make excuses but junior yr in college has been tough, especially with med school in the horizon and mcats down the street i’m above and beyond overwhelmed, and i have tried to diet few times and kept rollin off the wagon and with a gym down the street i still rarely go and all of a sudden it hit me! I MISS YOU GUYS! YOU GUYS KEPT ME GOING! i miss my support circle i’m defeated and must admit that i can’t do it alone. my love life has been a wirlwind as well as my eating habits, school work load has been above and beyond but never the less from now on i will put buddyslim into my schuedle. i hope u guys can forgive me and take me back! haha i swear i feel like a cheating spouse asking for forgiveness

LOVE YOU!

-Sabina

Apologies are in order, I’m sorry for being such a hypocrat and preaching healthy eating to everyone in my life then doing this to myself , I’m sorry for being such a disapointment to ment of you, i’m sorry for poluting my body with this food i have been eating, i’m sorry for not challanging myself these past few days with exersice i’m sorry for indulging too much, i’m sorry for feeling like this, i’m sorry i let days go by without progress, i’m sorry for starting junior year of colleg, my 21st year of life not completely happy with my body.

Some of you tell me i’m hard onmyself, but when i’m not this happens, so please, be hard on me, i need it, want it SO much, help me get there, i’m seriously reaching out. I don’t want to go through another day with burgers and fries, i feel so gross inside out. I’m here for help, it is mostly emotional and you guys get it better than anyone.

In case that you guys didn’t notice, i have changed my goal weight from 100 to 115, as i was looking at the pics of myself when i was 116, i realized i don’t want to be thinner than that, and those goals were set in stone by this really unrealistic sick anorexic girl, and now that she is gone, i’m stepping in to take control of my life. This summer i lost 5lbs and  i’m not disappointed at all i ran 4-7 miles a day most of the days this summer and i’m so happy.

the day before my birthday, on my birthday and the day after i lost a lil control over the food intake, but it was mostly achohol, i know i know but i turned 21!! anyways today was a balance day between trying to stop eating junk and saying NO after 2 servng of icecream to grilling eggplant,zuccini and mushrooms for dinner, uh and i also learned THE MOST delicsious pasta and pesto recipe which i must allow myself to have once a day for lunch, i figured good time for simple carbs, but the digestion should be lil slowed down by the salad and olive oil.

i’m gonna try and get good sleep and not eat after 8pm, Jillian Michaels talked  about insulting that body releases after eating carbs  intefering with the hormore lease that happens during sleep, those hormones work with the body to controbute to weight loss, as a biochemist u know i was intreiged. oh and also i’m still so so fasinated by the fact that the more water a person drinks the less the body retains it!So….

NO FOOD AFTER 8 PM

PLENTY OF WATER

BALANCED HEALTHY MEALS

So, night time eating has been controlled, atleast for today lol, drank TONS of water today really want to flush out much sodium from the system. Ate healthy through the day, still no working out, sorry work really gets the best of me, and i decided today was my last day and since it didn’t enconvinience anyone at work it was a good decision, i get to have whole 2 weeks of no school or work!!! REAL VACATION finally.  Been watching alot of Jillian Micheals on youtube, and honestly, i’m so in love with her its crazy, so inspiring!!!! so still haven’t taken pics with the new clothes, sorryyyyy will try to do it soon…but i though i’d give u guys a peak of what i looked like at 116 lbs so i’m putting up the picsssss, i don’t know wat u guys will feel about them, i don’t know wat i do, i think i looked good, at the time i wanted to be thinner and loose like 6-10 more lbs get more cut abs and so on, now i just want to get back there. alright well enough self pity, hopefully will get a run in tomorrow!

though out the day i feel good and eat healthy, if i’m to tired don’t force myself to work out, i know next week i have no work so i can get down hard core, plus the week after that back to the gym … then the nightmare happens, and i know that many of you are dealing with this as well…night time cravings, the hunger pangs seem to be unbearable, havn’t felt that hungry AT all through out the day, and at this point, peaches and carrots don’t sound as refreshing as they did for lunch, the animal nature seems to come over u and nothing matters…not the size 4 jeans that u still need to fit into, not facing ur ex in 2 weeks, not fitting into a dress for the 21st birthday in 2 days, NOTHING MATTERS, such a disgusting feeling, exept for the fact that u HAVE NO FEELING at that point, only after, the disgustnly full stomach. If you ask me any other time how bad i want to be healthy and thin i’d say MORE THAN ANYTHING, then how come i forget it? the struggle goes on and on and on and is never ever ending, as Jenny was saying in her blog, the constant planning, thinking deprivation of sugar and fat in high doses build up to this night craving, and no weight loss, no confidense the result. i tried the drinki green tea and water after 7 pm, even 10pm, but who wants to get up every 2 hours at night to freakin pee affter all the liquid? i don’t know, maybe i’ll give the liquids at night another shot… any more suggestiong? and yes i eat enough through out the day

by the way…before the night snacking i totally felt great bought another pair of size 4 jeans and 2 cutest shirts … i know i know i’ll stop with the money spendingggg ( right after i get a huge bottle of grey goose on my 21st)

countdowns:

Tuesday August 11:   21st birthday

Saturday August 15: family cookout

Sunday August 16: last day at panera bread

Wednesday August 19: Going back to school

Saturday August 22: Moving into my first apartment

Monday August 24: First day of classes, getting my gym work schedule and getting into hopefully a healthy routine of eating and working out, wish my luck with those crazy science classes!

As many of you know i will be 21 next Tuesday and my brother did something he never did before! he took me on a shopping spree! yayyyy!!!!  usually i’d get an electronic piece like a digital camera or a new phone but this is fabulous! and my brother patiently waited why i tried on clothes from store to store, and it was his lucky day, it wasn’t one of my insecure days so the self pity as i tried on jeans was on the minimal when i got home, i look at the clothes:

2 pairs of american eagle jeans-size 4

a pair of abercrombie jeans-size 4

an american eagle shirt-size small

a wetseal shirt- size small

a wetseal dress- size small

and a pair of high wedges that even my father who won’t complement me to save his life said that made my legs look 100 miles long and made me slim overall!

and it hit me AS FAR AS SIZES i’m small! and it’s such a confidence boost, ok now that i’m done bragging i’m gonna go eat then for a run and tan i’m feeling soo good!

So haven’t blogged because honestly wasn’t sure how my plan would work out. Guess what? it worked out above and beyond expectations. the plan was to not stress over calories make healthier choices every time, and treat myself when i feel it’s appropriate, of course stick to working out daily and the runs. I didn’t think this would show results so fast, after the independence day weekend i didn’t do well for a while with food and went from 130 back to 133, but with this week of healthy choices i have returned to 130  this morning and am SO very happy because for once i am always full and satisfied no clue how many calories i ate but clearly enough for my body to be full and still stay on the track of loosing weight.

So…i will be 21years old in 14 days , back to college in 24 days movin into my new apartment with my new roommates… i will be facing new obsticles , but i will have a pretty much 24 hour access to a gym sooo excited… as well as an all you can eat diner, damn it.with school’s stress i know weekend drinking will come esecially being 21, i just want to go to places ‘ve never been before finally! but will have to figure out a balance to limit the damage. oh and ofcourse can’t finish the blog without mentioning the dreadful FEAR i have of running into my ex and his , i hate to admit, beautiful new girlfriend.

sooo baddd day! started well with fruit and yogurt and a run over hills,but ended with lunch at an italian restaurant where i got scampi but glad didn’t finish it i was full all day after that, my by dinner time my friend was hungry so we went to a diner i said i’d have a salad but they were OUT! i ended up having half a steak, i felt like my day was ruined so had a pastry when i got home DON’T FORGET THAT I WASN’T EVEN HUNGRY. but i like the plan that i wrote about yesterday and when i followed it i felt FABULOUS! today i started right but didn’t finish up with it and don’t feel good, so now i KNOW i’m happier when i follwo my commitments, so i’m not treating it as a sacrifice, i’m treating it as a  TREAT! so TODAY i mistreated myself with the junk, yesterday i TREATED myself with a healthy day, and i will tomorrow and the day after and i will be happy :)  so tomorrow i’m getting up early running getting the strengh workout in and takin that physics exam at night and feeling accomplished. for the first time EVER, its NOT about the weight loss to me and i feel soooo GOOD

So today is the first day of putting all my commitments to work. I got a journal and wrote them on the inside cover:

-At work one solid meal, so snacking.

-at restaurants, order the healthier option

-pre-plan treats atleast a day ahead

-at least 60 oz of water a day

-no food after 8pm expeption :one fruit

So let me explain my commitments. At wosrk i snack out of boredom and 8 hours of snacking makes me feel like sh*t, but i can’t just not eat all day either, so one well balanced meal should keep me satisfied. I talked about this before, i go out to eat ALOT and all the “treats” add up, so alwaoys will be picking the healthy option,unless with a sane mind i made a desicion atleast a day ahead to treat myself to the food at a sertain restaurant. I’m trying not to drink coffee for now since i know at school i will be drinking alot of it, and limiting diet soda and picking water to drink all day long. No food after 8pm because i make TERRIBLE choices when i’m tired, so the limit is one fruit, because more than that might lead to a binge. Buddies here def helped me learn my downfalls and weaknesses and these commitments will keep me focused in every aspect of my life, once the school starts we’ll have do deal with the cafetaria food. The meal plan at school is $2000 and i asked my parents to not get it for me and instead give me money for groceries, since my anorexia scare in highschool they are scared i won’t eat at all if they do that so they refused…they don’t know me to well i guess, cause i’m VERY healthy right now. But ok i guess we’ll deal with those temptations when we get there. So i’m taking the pressure of counting calories off my shoulders and eating healthy and keeping this cute lil journal with me at all times so i can still record all i ate.

Today:

Breakfast: doubles cottage cheese

one hour at the gym

Lunch:Italian restarant:

Tossed Salad- with olive oil that I put on myself

Chicken and vegatable kabobs–SO GOOD

Potato side salad –my favorite food at that restaurant so i treated myself

During physics class:

Banana,Fiber One bar

After class:

Apple slices with low fat crunchy peanut butter